


illicit affairs

by BuddysImpala



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Angst, I heard this song and was like... angsty Barlyle???, I wrote this in like half an hour lmao I need help, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Morning After, One Night Stands, PT is kinda a dick ngl, Period-Typical Homophobia, Phillip Carlyle Needs a Hug, Unrequited Love, barlyle - Freeform, illicit affairs, not me thinking a million new Barlyle concepts with this album, open-ended ending, rated T for Too Ace For That Shit, sex is alluded to but there are NO sex scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25540333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuddysImpala/pseuds/BuddysImpala
Summary: it’s born from just one single glance,but it dies and it dies and it diesa million little times.
Relationships: Charity Barnum/P. T. Barnum, P. T. Barnum/Phillip Carlyle
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	illicit affairs

**Author's Note:**

> PT is... probably a little OOC in this, but basically my train of thought was, “What if PT and Jenny continued their affair... but instead of Jenny it’s Phillip (because I’m trash).”

Consciousness creeps back upon him like an unwelcome visitor. He groans, burrows his face into the pillow. He isn’t ready to wake yet — he knows he was disturbed by something, but what?

His silent question stretches out unanswered before him. He sighs, his mind convincing itself that perhaps there’s nothing to worry about. He probably had some bad dream that he can’t even remember now. He can go back to sle—

“Hey, kid. You need to get up.”

Phillip stiffens, then relaxes as memories from last night come slowly crawling back. 

Phineas. He was with Phineas. They‘d been drinking, but not truly drunk—

“Kid. Can you hear me? Wake up. It’s time to go.”

Phillip frowns, face still in the pillows. He rolls over, though, frown melting away into a sleepy morning smile as he looks up at Phineas Barnum.

“Can’t I stay?” he purrs. “Just for a little while?”

Phineas scoffs, and Phillip realizes then that the man is already dressed. Sleek red coat, top hat, cane in hand.

He’s getting ready to go to the circus, and he couldn’t even be bothered to let Phillip know.

“You know you can’t do that.” The rumbling, tender voice from last night is gone, replaced instead with a tongue dripping in condescension. “Charity will be back from her parents’ within the next few hours and I can’t have you laying around.”

Stung, Phillip slowly sits up. His bare chest is littered with possessive marks, his body thrumming with a dull ache that serves as a reminder of their antics last night. The satisfaction and comfort he’d felt just moments ago is swiftly draining away, leaving him feeling sick to his stomach. His head suddenly aches.

“Phineas, please,” Phillip whispers. He’d look up, but he doesn’t want Phineas to see the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“I don’t have time for this, kid. Get up and get dressed, I need to go.”

Slowly, Phillip rises. He’s feeling more and more like he wants to get sick, but his body moves automatically as he scoops his clothes from the floor. He puts them on without quite processing what he’s doing.

He doesn’t know why he’s surprised. It’s always the same routine with Phineas. One night, or maybe two if Charity is gone the whole weekend. He knows he can’t stay with Phineas, knows it is impossible, but still he asks. Every time.

And it still feels like a swift knife to his chest whenever Phineas tells him no.

But still he tries.

“Phineas, please. I know you’re unhappy. If you’d just tell her—“

Suddenly, Phineas turns to him. His eyes are dark, but with anger, not the arousal Phillip is used to. Phillip’s stomach twists with anxiety and he takes a hesitant step back.

“Tell her _what_?” Phineas demands. “Tell her that I can’t be with her anymore? Tell her that the real reason we have no children is because I can’t bring myself to be with a woman? Tell her that I’ve hated myself for thirty years? What exactly do you want me to tell her, Phillip?”

The lump in Phillip’s throat makes it impossible to speak. This time he can’t stop the tears from coming — they roll down his cheeks, damning him as much as this affair would.

Phineas takes one look at Phillip’s face, and sighs.

“Listen, kid. I—“

“Don’t call me ‘kid!’” Phillip bursts out.

Phineas’s eyes widen. This time, it is he who backs away.

Now, it is Phillip who glares up at Phineas. Even with tears rolling down his cheeks, he speaks out with the most venom Phineas has ever heard come from his mouth.

“Don’t call me ‘kid,’” Phillip spits. “Don’t call me ‘boy,’ don’t call me... don’t call me any of your stupid names. Can’t you see what you’ve done? This was supposed to be a stupid fling, Phineas, but now I...”

Pause.

“Now you’ve made me a goddamned mess,” Phillip continues. His voice is low, thick with tears and emotion. “And... for what?”

“Phillip.”

Hearing his name from Phineas’s mouth makes Phillip jolt, falters him long enough for fresh hesitation to invade his mind. He looks up at Phineas, suddenly unsure, hands and lower lip trembling so much he’s forgotten how to stop them.

When Phineas reaches out to him, Phillip flinches.

But he doesn’t pull away.

Phineas’s lips on his are familiar and alien, comforting and distressing. He whimpers, pulls away. Phineas lets him go.

“I need to leave,” he whispers.

Phineas doesn’t respond right away, but Phillip doesn’t move.

“Will you be back?” finally comes the question.

“I... don’t know.”

Phineas says nothing. Merely nods his head. 

When Phillip leaves through the front door, neither of them know if he’ll ever be back again.


End file.
